David Feldman Comedy

Just when 2009 couldn’t get any worse Karl Rove announced his second divorce. Shocking. He always came across as such a kind and sensitive husband. Instead Rove’s divorce is turning ugly. Today Karl began a whisper campaign claiming his ex wife once fathered a black baby.

Is there anybody left to believe in? Charlie Sheen got arrested on Christmas for allegedly threatening to stab his 40th wife. I automatically assumed any guy who had sex with 234,000 hookers would have more respect for women. Now I’m starting to think Charlie Sheen may not be such a good guy after all.
Christmas Eve was even worse for the Pope after he got knocked to the ground by the same Italian woman who attacked him the year before. Just goes to show you even someone as infallible as the Pontiff still ends up choosing the crazy chick on e harmony.

All this in the same month Italy’s prime minister got punched in the face. Begging the question when did Rome outsource its security detail to America’s department of homeland security?

I don’t know why they would given a Nigerian man set fire to himself on a flight from Amsterdam to Detroit. A Dutch passenger extinguished the blaze when he accidentally spilled bong water all over the guy.

Al Queda took responsibility but I’m not so sure. I mean who hasn’t tried to kill yourself after realizing you’re about to land in Detroit? The American embassy in Nigeria admitted weeks before they were contacted by the man’s father, a prominent banker, but had been instructed not to open any e mails from Nigerian businessmen.

There was some good news. New York had the fewest murders on record in 2009. That’s the best thing about a Recession. Nobody can afford bullets.

2010 hasn’t even started yet and already I’m nostalgic for 2009.