January 2005
MR. COFFEE LESS FILTERED
David — Mon, 01/31/2005 - 6:37am
After seven years in the kitchen, my Mr. Coffee Maker finally insisted that I now call him by his first name. Danny. Danny Coffee Maker. There's a more casual, less formal vibe around the house these days and I'm not so sure I like it.
THE CRITICS ALL AGREE...
David — Mon, 01/31/2005 - 4:05am
"DAVIDFELDMANCOMEDY.COM is the first oxymoronic website title I've come
across."
--Gary Belkin
![\"A\" is for Atlantic](http://photos2.flickr.com/3843304_757496d727_s.jpg "\\"A\\" is for Atlantic")
GARY BELKIN SAYS...
David — Sun, 01/30/2005 - 9:03pm
So 'bout three hours after the polls open in Iraq CNN carries an
interview with an Iraqi pol. Pol is asked if any of the polling places
around the country are closed. He firmly replies that no polling places
are closed. The reporter reels off the names of three cities (and there
are possibly others) where he says there are reports the polls are
closed.The pol says, still firmly, no polls are closed. So what about
the cities I just mentioned? Pol explains those polls didn't open! and
since they hadn't opened they can't be considered closed.
--Gary Belkin
DAVID'S THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
David — Sun, 01/30/2005 - 2:29pm
DAVID'S THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:
Brad Pitt? Now that you're single: Paris. You. Me. A carton of Bordeaux, Saltines, and some Cheeze Whiz. What do you think? It's only gay if we dont punch each other afterwards.
PUNCHLINE
David — Sat, 01/29/2005 - 7:51am
SAN FRANCISCO PUNCHLINE
SATURDAY FEBRUARY 12th
TWO SHOWS: 9 AND 11
COLIN POWELL'S REPLACEMENT
David — Sat, 01/29/2005 - 2:09am
I'm in a really foul mood today. We just got back from couples therapy, and it turns our my wife has been faking my orgasms.
AND THE WINNER IS...HALLIBURTON
David — Fri, 01/28/2005 - 2:17am
MY THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:
Kids, the more I read, the more I discover how little I have left to learn. In fact, three more books and you know what? I may be done.
HEY JUDGE, ORDERING A SALAD ONCE IN A WHILE IS ALSO PRO LIFE
David — Thu, 01/27/2005 - 2:26am
This is Supreme Court Justice Scalia who in 2000 stopped the counting of votes and apparently calories.
"Order in the Court."
"I'll have the lobster with a side of lobster."
S. F. PUNCHLINE
David — Tue, 01/25/2005 - 8:23am
"Please give a warm Gaza welcome to the comedy stylings of DAVID FELDMAN."
"Hey, it's great to be back on the strip."
THE GOOD NEWS IS SPONGE BOB'S STRAIGHT. THE BAD NEWS? SO IS CARSON KRESSLEY
David — Sun, 01/23/2005 - 1:28pm
I'M ONE OF JENNA'S FRIENDS
David — Sat, 01/22/2005 - 6:49am
Yo George. C'mon, dude. Let's fry those last three remaining brain cells.
